The History of Hockey Pains

Blog — By Hockey Pains on July 5, 2012 2:08 PM

Hey everyone,

I know how everyone who reads the Gongshow blog is a huge fan of Hockey Pains and when all of my content was removed from the blog you broke down in tears. (Like when Kyle Wellwood gets to Dairy Queen 5 minutes after it closes.)

Shit, my tires just exploded. One sec.

Ok, back to the point I was going to make. I asked the guys at Gongshow to remove the content. I’m not going to go into the reason why, but it had to be done. But I’d like to delve into the past of Hockey Pains and how it got started and whatnot and I have some news for you at the end:

It all started from this tweet I saw while browsing Twitter one day. I don’t know how I came across it, but whatever. That soft tweet crossed my eyes and I of course thought, “Wow, basketball players are softer than puppy shit. I could do something like HockeyPains, though.” And I wasn’t going to tweet about stupid stuff like always being tired or hungry, or even the stuff that is literally painful (like getting stitches, breaking my jaw, and my countless injuries). I wanted to talk about stuff all hockey players could relate to, like going bar-up, breaking a stick on the 31st day after buying it, or stepping in a crack between the rubber mats. So I did this, along with some stuff like #MightyDuckspains, #SlapShotpains, #Miraclepains, etc, which were for fun on weekends. As I’m doing all these #hockeypains, I kind of realize I’m running out of things to say. And I didn’t want to get repetitive. Even worse, I didn’t want to get desperate and tweet stuff like, “Uhhh, breaking your stick in the middle of a breakaway in OT.” You get what I mean?

During this time, I’m not being very personable with my Twitter followers, and I’m rarely responding to people who tweet at me. But I’m getting all of these questions like who I am, where I play, how is Roberto Luongo still in the NHL, etc. (Ok, I made that last one up.) So I made a free blog online to answer these questions and show a bit of my sense of humor, because up until then I hadn’t really been all that funny. And I’m still not very funny, but– wait. (Condescending eye squint.) Needless to say, people really enjoyed this FAQ I had written up about myself. That’s how the Hockey Pains blog was born. But as of now, the blog had merely been born and doctors were unsure of its chance of survival, or if the single dad (no, it doesn’t have a mom in this analogy) was even going to take care of it and raise it into a mediocre blog that would have 15 minutes of fame because of a video.

So here I have this FAQ about myself and I’m still doing #hockeypains for my tweets. I also have this really good buddy I met at school and he and I have a VERY sarcastic sense of humor and we constantly crack jokes to each other back and forth about the NHL. He and I will hang out or chat online for hours making jokes back and forth. So I realized (or maybe it was ‘we’ and not ‘I’, but anyway) that we should put our jokes together for people to read somehow. But I didn’t want to tweet about anything more than #hockeypains stuff. But I also had this free blog I had used for my FAQ. And just like that, Hockey Pains had grown from having a single dad who wasn’t really sure how to take care of a baby to having two loving, supportive dads. (Ok, I’ll stop with this parenting analogy now.) I’d like to say, though, that none of the blogs were “planned” so to speak (Ok, seriously stopping the parenting analogies now). It’s not like we ever sat down and said, “We should write about this subject.” Every single one of them started as us just making jokes to each other and realizing that we could put them all together into a blog because the jokes were all basically about the same thing. But I’m also starting to run out of #hockeypains and I’m kind of freaking out.

So once I pretty much officially ran out of #hockeypains to tweet I started tweeting jokes and whatnot that I thought of about current NHL events and that’s where I am now. No, I didn’t sellout. (Though I’m willing to sellout to Gongshow if they offered.) I just ran out of stuff to say, so I started making jokes. And that’s where I am with Hockey Pains.

“Thanks for wasting a considerable amount of my time by making me read that,” you’re now saying. Well, LET ME GET TO MY POINT. I can’t really make jokes about hockey players and teams for the time being. It’s relating to why I had all of my content removed from Gongshow as well as my own website. And lately, a lot of people have been begging me to put the blog back up and put more articles on Gongshow because they really miss Hockey Pains articles (shit, my spare tires just exploded too). I’m giving in, you’re getting them. But I want to get back to my roots: #hockeypains. I’m going to write occasional articles on how to solve your #hockeypains, like removing a splinter you get from your stick, fixing your skates after stepping in the crack between the rubber mats, and being Scott Gomez. Don’t worry, they’ll still have the same Hockey Pains humor you’ve grown to love, and they’ll of course still be about hockey. The only difference is that these will be kind of useful as opposed to the other ones which killed like 10 minutes when you were bored in class.

So prepare yourself for more Hockey Pains blogs!

 

@HockeyPains