Every once in awhile an idea starts to come together that just begs to be brought to life. Recently, through a series of observations and brief conversations on twitter, a plan was hatched to bring something new to the table and to create a forum for us to bring you our thoughts and observations on the things that surround a Gongshow lifestyle. This isn’t an ordinary set of observations though, and is being written by two girls who not only love the sport of hockey, but also respect those who play in, work in, live in, and love the hockey universe…as humangus beeg as it is.
Supporters of hockey and self admitted girly girls. Believe us when we say that we have mastered the art of combining our loves of all things girly and wonderful with all things hockey. We are not shy about how we feel about the people and things involved in the world surrounding our favorite game, and we are ready to share our views with you. Welcome to the Gongshow Girls Top Ten Countdown (GSG’s Top Ten).
Our first Top Ten is something we as girls who know our hockey and know it well find to be incredibly irritating. Girls who fabricate their “true” love of the game. We want legit beauties who genuinely love this sport as much as we do surrounding us, not girls who “fake it to make it” so to speak. So without further delay, we bring you the GSG’s Top Ten Countdown: Red Flags She’s Faking It.
#10- She has TSN on her phone to keep track of the scores but can’t tell you how “her team” is actually performing this season.
example: “They’re good…oh, they’re 29th in the standings? Is that bad?”
#9- In addition to that, she has no clue how many teams are actually in the NHL.
example: “So if we’re 29th we’re somewhere in the middle…right?”
#8- She spends more time texting during the game then actually watching the game.
example: “I’m checking the scores for the Thrashers game…what do you mean they no longer exist? Ummmmm….”
#7- She knows who Sean Avery is, but not because of his hockey career; it’s because he got arrested in the Hollywood Hills.
example: “Oh, Sean Avery? Isn’t he that guy who was on TMZ.com last summer for pushing a cop?” and or “Isn’t he that model guy?”
#6- She knows who Wayne Gretzky is but can’t tell you he is referred to as “The Great One” or any of the teams he played for.
example: “Oh, ummm…he was number 99…..which teams? Umm……well, I know his number, that counts right? And I follow Paulina Gretzky on twitter!”
#5- You start talking about the Original Six and she thinks it’s a reference to a boy band.
example: “What are you talking about? The Backstreet Boys only had five original members unless someone joined before Kevin and then quit…”
#4- She has no clue what the different trophies represent at the NHL awards.
example: “Lady Byng? Oh how great is it that they are recognizing women in hockey now?!”
#3- When people start talking about the red line and whether or not to take it out or leave it in she is immediately confused.
example: “What do you mean? I can see it right there on the ice…”
#2- When asked her Stanley Cup Final prediction she includes the Flyers and the Penguins…
example: “Because wouldn’t it be cute to see Sidney Crosby against Hartnell Down…oh, Hartnell is his last name, not down? Oops.” (Never mind the fact that obviously this match up would be impossible…)
And the #1 red flag that she’s probably fabricating her “true” love of the game …
She thinks that “For The Boys” means she has to get drunk off four bud lights, chew tobacco, take pics in nothing but hockey sweaters and a thong for her twitter, and uses every single word in her hockey lingo arsenal nonstop without really understanding what she’s talking about…
example: “Haha I’m soooo sauced right now, can you hand me that tin and get me a spitter? You’re such a f*ckin beauty unlike your duster of a line mate whose such a plug he couldn’t wheel a blind girl in the dark. Did you see my new twitpic? Boy shorts and a Ovechkin sweater…I’m a rocket right?… Right? What team does Ovechkin play for???….ummm……….”
(That being said, there is nothing wrong with everything in moderation…if you know your hockey and know it well, by all means, own it girl gongers! Let your knowledge speak for you and supplement it with your beauty! You should all know that you are beautiful and worthy of the attention of any Gonger that crosses your path, and if you wearing your sweater with shorts makes you feel sexy for your gonger, rock it with class girls and have fun doing it! Any girl who truly loves this sport is precious and amazing!)
So there you have it Gongers… Our first Top Ten list. Maybe this will help you one day with a crazy bunny posing as a Top Shelf Beauty or to simply help you identify fun new ways to chirp some pretenders. Watch out for the red flags and you’ll be well on your way to never having to spend more than 2 minutes figuring out if she’s legit or not.
If anything we hope you got a laugh out of it! If you have any suggestions on what our next Top Ten should be, be sure to drop either of us a line and give us both a follow!